Something I've discovered recently is how much I have changed my focus as a parent. No longer am I trying to teach my children the difference between right and wrong, hopefully that's pretty much done (thank goodness for that), but I am now moving into a phase where the questions are harder, the situations more complex, and the ability to mold and shape the character of my children is really in my hands. It's a weighty thought for me.
It is my desire and intention to teach my son and daughter all aspects of life, not just the good. We (Greg and I) have tried really hard not to make our children into who WE want them to be, but for them to become who God wants them to be. It's not easy -- looking at your children through non-speckled glasses. We as parents want them to be the most beautiful, the smartest, the fastest, the best, the one who always gets picked at everything but real life is not like that. But oh how we set ourselves up for disappointment if we only see them how we want too and not for who they really are.
So how do we do that? It starts with the knowledge that my children are not mine. I gave both of them to God before they were born, just so thankful to be allowed to be their mother. They are not toys or able to be programmed, but tiny humans with a will and path of their own. I am simply fortunate that for the first 18 years or so of their lives, their path goes the same direction as mine. It also means that I, as a parent have to know the strengths and weaknesses, good and bad, pretty and the ugly of both my children. If I only work to bolster their strengths and never teach them to overcome their weaknesses, then I have failed to prepare them for the real world. If I only provide for them the highs of life, and never teach them about the lows and how to deal with them, again, I have failed to prepare them for the real world.
Let's face it, the real world is not all roses. It's ugly sometimes, and at times it's really not fair. So if I can teach them now that when they are angry and frustrated because life isn't going their way to take all of that stuff that's inside them and take it to God and say -- "Here Lord, I have all this junk inside of me that is keeping me from being the man or woman I want to be. Take it so I can focus on being the child of God you've called me to be - one of integrity, character, with a GREAT ATTITUDE." -- then when situations come in life they will know how to deal with it and move on and not dwell in that place. We don't prepare our children to fail, but to know how to deal with failure (or what feels like failure) and disappointment when it comes.
Where is all of this coming from? It has come from Joel being in a place he's never been before....sitting the bench. It happens sometimes. Everyone else seems to be in the game, and even though we want to play and we have the skills and abilities necessary, sometimes it's just our time to sit the bench. We get hurt and have to sit out. We are in a growth spurt causing our joints to stretch painfully and we have to sit out. And sometimes the Coach just knows that it's just not our time. Sitting the bench is hard. Watching people get to do things that you want to do and not be able to do them too, is hard. Being made to feel like you're not as good as others by people who don't know what's going on is hard. But in this game called life, I want my children to know that there is much good to come from sitting the bench. Our bodies gain healing from sitting the bench. Our minds and spirits restored while sitting the bench. Our mission and purpose are supercharged and more clearly defined while sitting on the bench. Our passion for the game we are sitting out of is restored while sitting on the bench watching others play. Sitting on the bench provides opportunities to really look at our team mates and give them an encouraging word when needed. Sitting on the bench is when our character is truly sharpened and we are not necessarily seen for what we can do, but for who we are.
Playing the game or sitting the bench, if I can instill the fact that His light is what needs to shine through us at both places...well, I've done the job I was supposed to do - or at least one of them anyway! Now...on to the next!
